Accessing the Akashic records

I did the coolest thing for the past two nights.

As I’ve said before, I’m someone who’s been in tune with universal goings-on pretty much my whole life. Years of grief, busyness, and life, in general, took me away from my otherwordly sensitivities — or at least took me away from paying attention and applying meaning to them. Now the tide has turned.

My reawakening journey began last spring when my eyes locked with another person’s across the room at a coffee shop. I was too transfixed even to smile at him, all I could do was shake it off and go about my night. We ended up actually meeting a week or two later, by chance (?), a block away from the coffee shop. A couple weeks later, while having a beer with him, I experienced a telepathic or inter-dimensional event; it scared the shit out of me, I never revealed to him what happened. A week or so after that, it dawned on me he was the same person whose gaze I caught in the coffee shop originally — I didn’t realize it when we first met. Almost a year later, we further connected in a way I’ve never connected with anyone in my life (how he felt about it is yet to be known). A little over a year after meeting each other, my molasses ass finally put it all together — after ANOTHER kick in the pants…and gut…and jaw.

Oh, the crying. But I’m over it now, now that I know more than I did before. And it’s a layered process, upgrading between triggering events, each one getting easier. I’m still trying really, really hard not to be cynical and hopeless, not walk away for good, and instead be committed to the cause, compassionate, and sympathetic because I know what’s driving a lot of the scenario that was brought to my attention and made me cry. I get it, and I do feel bad. Yet it hurt me because it appeared, and felt, as if I was being consciously dropped like a sixth-string quarterback over nothing, with no real communication, in favor of what I sensed was a female dark-energy (DE) force. Ugh, I feel mean  even calling it DE (11/17/21 edit: Nah. I’m good with calling out bullshit exactly for what it is. I had that succubus’s number since DAY ONE. I was onto her fake-ass, full-of-shit fuckery since April 2020.) — maybe it’s more like “interference.” (7/29/21 edit: Yyyyep, I was right: definitely dark energy. Not much gets by me. 11/17/21 edit: Oh man. The more I learn about this evil person, the more I see she’s REALLY dark. And borderline/narcissistic. A truly fucked-up individual. I want to punch that snide, self-serving smirk off her face.) What I saw happening on the surface with the DE disguised as light — fake, disingenuous, and illusory — sickened me. I felt like screaming at the guy, “What the FUCK, man?! Are you BLIND?! HOW can you not SEE the POSTURING and the IRONIC INAUTHENTICITY of it all?! I mean, COME ON! You’re smarter than this!”

But who’s to say what the reality is. I don’t know, technically. Besides, it’s not my job to point out the hidden, problematic details I see in the DE; that’s for the guy to figure out and address. Maybe he already knows but doesn’t care. The whole scenario likely was by design, and maybe that’s the point, like a meta-fake. I saw through facade, it looked fake, yet I truly didn’t know the reality, and the other people around that facade still may not know what’s real; therefore, the entire thing was an illusion, temporary, and I’m supposed to stay the course, trust the process, and keep the fuck calm. The end.

Also, I’m aware that what I say is ironic. I got in the way of myself, my own obstruction. I know the DE was a mirror meant to make me reconcile my trust issues, pick my battles, and forgive the guy for making a huuuuuge mistake/poor decision. The mirror was not erected for me to examine myself verbatim to the DE’s personal problems and behaviors — that’s merely an extra layer of annoyance thrown in to ruffle my resistance to unjust actions and outcomes. The guy is my verbatim mirror image from which I’m supposed to work out issues; the DE is an annex. One reason I get “not-calm” is because I’ve never felt so sure and strongly about something, and that the universe is at work behind it.

Since that day which made me cry, I learned what I need to do for resolution, and I’ve been DOING IT. Still, damned if it isn’t hard not to allow my ego, emotions, and self-expression to surface. Could you blame me for feeling that way? How come others can lose their shit, be weak, fuck up, have a bad day, show off, be “too much,” but I couldn’t for once? But I’ve since composed myself, and now I’m left just feeling super-exhausted over the concepts of “being myself” and sincerity and independence and decency and strength and stability and self-reliance and authenticity. Living those concepts comes naturally to me; what’s exhausting is being outnumbered and discouraged for it because I don’t attend the goddamn masquerade ball, and I stand on my own two feet. I’m tired.

Is it easier to be fake? Is this what people really prefer? Because then it gives permission for the other person to be fake, too? And then everyone lies to each other back and forth, unbeknownst to each party? Just one big Fake Fest? Fuck that. I guess I’ve been “doing life wrong” this whole time. I can’t compete or keep up with superficial people. I can’t do it. I am so tired.

But enough about that. I brought it up only to demonstrate how I got to where I am today, not to dwell in negativity. It actually was a good thing.

Previous few paragraphs aside, here I am: Back to my “regular” self, but 10 years older, wiser, and with more technology and access to information. That said, I’ve come to fully realize that one of my “gifts” is uncovering and collecting information with ease, taking up hardly any time for me to compute. It’s something I’ve always identified with being “good at,” skillful, but I never really considered it to be a “gift.” Maybe because it’s an ability that sits outside the bounds of job, education, and skills with visible output such as sports and art. My gift for grafting information is invisible, intuitive, innate; it just is. With information, I see things, know things, predict things that most people don’t, can’t, or won’t. So, in conjunction with the topics I’ve been researching the past couple of months, I decided to put my gift to the test.

But before I get to that, I need to circle back to my connection to the universe and where I fit in…or don’t fit in, rather…at least on Earth.

First, ever since I was a kid, I’ve always felt like I don’t — or can’t — understand humans, or they don’t understand me. (obviously, from what I outlined above) I never fit in anywhere, people are unable to define or box me. Things don’t “match up” with me: The way I look doesn’t match how I think, which doesn’t match how I speak, which doesn’t match how I write, which doesn’t match my hobbies and interests, which doesn’t match my skills and abilities, which doesn’t match my personality, which doesn’t match my behavior, which doesn’t match what I read, and so on. So people make A TON of assumptions and mistakes around who they think I am — they don’t know what to DO with me. I’ve often joked that I am from another planet or don’t belong on Earth. I incessantly wonder, “What am I DOING here?” (along with “what the fuck is WRONG with people?!” Literally, people; humans.)

Second, I have countless instances of feeling, seeing, hearing, smelling things — in a non-delusional, non-drugs way, I promise. More like in an energetic way. A few examples, many that are outlined in a post I wrote in 2010:

• When I was a toddler, I had an out-of-body experience, viewed from two different perspectives.
• My dog Levin and I once saw a sort-of-human-shaped-but-not figure hovering on the side of my bed. It looked like a Keith Haring drawing.
• An object, similar to the composition of the figure my dog and I saw, flew across my bedroom and hit me in the forehead. For some reason, I associated with my grandmother telling me not to worry about a job interview I had the next day with the Georgia Department of Economic Development & Tourism.
• A friend of mine had gone missing, and one of the searches in the park where she was last seen uncovered her glasses. I began crying when I learned this and then smelled gardenias as if it was my friend saying she was gone (Autopsy says drowning. Another friend and I say homicide.).
• The telepathy I mentioned earlier in this post, and countless other events involving that guy…which is why I’m so fucking frustrated with him. I would’ve shrugged my shoulders and walked away from anyone else a long time ago. THIS is different and new for me.

Third, I never felt connected to anything religious, as we are taught to be. I was raised Catholic but it never felt “right” to me, even as a child too young to know there were alternatives and words like atheism, agnosticism, occultism, paganism, etc., or even the difference between Catholicism and Protestantism. The dogma, the ritual, sit, stand, sing, recite: I didn’t participate in any of it, except for the sacraments I was forced to do as long as I was a minor living under my mother’s roof. I’m GLAD I was raised Catholic opposed to anything else. But I just plain wasn’t interested in any “follow the leader”-type association.

It wasn’t like I flitted between experimenting with different religions, either. I had zero interest in “finding” what best suited my sensibilities. All of them — even “spiritual” circles — seemed cultish, hypocritical, and scary, and none of them felt like “me.” Even the most benign of belief systems suck people into an insular world that THEY think is the #1 answer, and all the “unenlightened” outsiders are dummyhead poopypants who just don’t “get it.” Next thing you know, your whole identity is wrapped up in that group and its beliefs, losing the so-called individualism you claimed to be chasing. They’re all the same, these belief constructs; they all house conformity and group-think. Both ends of the same circle (or whatever the idiom is. I’m not always good with those).

So, during mass, I would simply space out and go into my own world…which may have been an early form of meditation for me, who knows (I did not and do not have an attention span problem, so it wasn’t that kind of spacing-out). I was always the slow-moving, calm, “ho-hum” one in the family, not fearful of heaven or Hell or godly vengeance — BUT I DO adhere strongly to principles, ethics, justice, honesty, kindness, sharing, and so on, WITHOUT requiring or seeking discipleship to keep me straight. THAT philosophy is what feels best for me.

Needless to say, I never had a definitive word for the way I live and what I believe in: Myself. Selfism? Universalism? Fractalism? Alienism? Helicoidism? I don’t know. A lot of actual words exist — cosmology, mysticism, etc. — but even those don’t fit, and they also tend to attract cult-like people, behaviors, rules, texts, dogmas, blahblahblah. No thanks, d00d.

I now wonder if I entered natural states of meditation without the consciousness connection. Is this possible? When I was maybe 18 through 22 years old, I began having these episodes that I would describe to my family as feeling disconnected: “My head is in the clouds but my body is on the ground.” I felt relaxed when they happened, except if they occurred while I was driving. They lasted maybe 20 minutes each time. I don’t think it was seizures, and it certainly wasn’t depersonalization or derealization. Over time, I got used to the feeling and rather enjoyed it when the episodes came on. I can’t remember the last time it happened — probably not since LIFE started happening.

Finally, to my point. Combining my past with the present, I thought I’d try a meditation into the Akashic records. Recapture my old relaxed self, use my info-gathering gift, and see what happens.

OMG.

Not knowing much about this, I randomly chose a YouTube video that looked decent. I didn’t really like the lady’s voice (one of my weird sensory things) — it was too choppy and unnecessarily breathy. I yearned for my usual daily meditation lady, who speaks evenly and with complete sentences (maybe I’ll pay for her Akashic records session). But the guide itself was excellent and hearkened to a recurring dream I had when I was a child. The dream is Alice, from Alice in Wonderland, in a dimly lit hallway lined with green doors. She goes to one door, opens it, peeks inside, closes it, and then moves on down the hallway, repeating the action. The doors open toward me, so I don’t know what’s behind them. Alice’s facial expression doesn’t indicate what she sees, either. Anyway, the meditation began with the hallway and doors, so I was already like, “Whoa!”

The first purpose was to find my “soul name.” The name revealed to me was “[Redacted].” I don’t have any immediate feelings around its significance, other than my sister having a past-life feeling that she was [Redacted]. So I have to sit with that for a while until it comes to me or I research it. (7/29/21 edit: Shortly after the reading, I took to the googles and found out [Redacted] means “[redacted]” in Sanskrit. Incredible! At first I was like, “Aw, man, why couldn’t my soul name be more exotic and complex?” Now I know, I got that name for a reason, and I love it — because it’s accurate. 12/4/21 edit: So weird. Why can’t I find the proof of what I’d found? I couldn’t make it up, but now it looks like I did!) Then I saw a fattish ancient Asian man holding a spear or some weapon. He started running around, and then I’m not sure what happened next. Random visions of colors, oscillation waves — purple was particularly intense and hung around — and I went into the cosmos. They were reflecting green like I was out by Neptune or something. Far out. Overall, a pleasant experience, and I downloaded some info to work with.

I had to ditch that lady for a different voice, though. So the next night, I picked another video based on its image — green cosmos. This time it was a man’s voice and he was even worse. Kind of hard to relax when everything about the recording bothered me, from the guy’s timbre and cadence to the vocal mix to the music loop (it was too short). But it was already past midnight, I was tired, and I didn’t want to spend too much time finding the right session, so I stuck with this.

This particular meditation asked to reveal a specific date in time. The number that came to me was February 26, 1861. I kept moving between periods of green cosmos and nebula with silhouette beings hanging around and more warrior shit (some looked to be from the past; some looked like the future, like the figure on the cover of Leftfield’s album Rhythm and Stealth). The narrator’s voice annoyed me too much to concentrate fully, and the imagery moves fast so it can be difficult to capture and retain. Afterward, I turned over the numbers in my head, 2/26/1861, attempting to find connections. I came up with a lot of 8s; numbers that make up my own birthdate are in there; I thought of my grandmother — for some reason, I never remembered if her birthday was on March 8 or 9. She lived to be 92 and it never stuck with me which day her birthday fell on (it’s the 9th). Hrm.

Next, I looked up what happened on February 26, 1861.

Only ONE significant event in history occurred on that date. Ferdinand I, the first tsar of Bulgaria, was born in Vienna, Austria. Thrilling.

Of course I picked a no-nothing date. Because my life. But wait…

Holy shit.

Ferdinand I died on September 10, 1948. September 10 — the same night I accessed this Akashic record.

‘The fuck?!

It’s as if I saw (or was supposed to see) his entire life. Maybe I did see it but didn’t know what I was looking at. I do recall a flash of outfit similar to what he’s wearing on his Wiki page, but I thought it was a knightly soldier of some sort, and it looked a little cartoonish but definitely black and white. So why Ferdinand I? I don’t know him. Am I related to him? Was I him? Was someone I know once him? Does he have a message for me? What am I supposed to do with this information?

On just two Akashic records readings, I have deeper digging to do on these bits of info, and it’ll take some time. I’m still in disbelief over what surfaced. Absolutely amazing. I mean, did I even do this meditation correctly? Am I going about this the right way? Is this typically how it goes?

All I know today is that I’m happy I was led to the Akashic records. No one had to tell me about it or hold my hand, I learned through my own research and reading, I truly enjoy it independent from others’ input, and I don’t need to broadcast my experience on social media to collect pats on the back or impress anyone — those things aren’t important to me. I don’t have anyone with whom to discuss it or who would understand or be impressed anyway.

Strangely, I’ve had a raging headache and my body has been sore since then, especially my abs, so I’ll give it a rest for a while. But for now…

MY WORK HERE IS DONE, BITCHES!!!!1!

p.s. One of my favorite bands, Doves, releases their first album in 11 years, The Universal Want, today. I’ve had an advance copy of the album for a while now, thankfully, and it’s fantastic. It even dips a little into their Sub Sub years.

Photos:
Green
Purple